Sacred Tourniquets of Vengeance

“Merely a sin,” I said to myself. The faint shrill of crickets and descending howls of nocturnal creatures echoed in the midst of darkness as I crept out of that desolated place. I was subjected to temptation, and my thoughts grew sinister as I kept myself firm and conscious while dragging my body through a seemingly eternal journey I would never forget. I could see her enigmatic apparition emerged from the intricacy of my mind, stealthily bringing it in jeopardy. I was then filled with fear and I knew that my sense of foreboding was playing games once again.

Then, the case was filed relentlessly against me: I pleaded guilty. I stood before the court of mockery without a word, I was then petrified and my body shivered with intense magnitude. The wrath prophesied against my useless state poured its curse on my fate at the moment of that epiphany. I had not realized that I turned egocentric during the past few hours of addictive enjoyment in disguise, leaving me panting along my path. My entire body was bleeding, probably an aftermath of that burning furnace I desperately went through numbingly scorching my conscience.

A moment of small selfish motives sprung into innumerable consequences. At that instance, I could faintly hear her sing a ballad of chaotic revelations leaving me corrupt as seconds seemed to last forever. My alacrity to escape the destinies conspired behind my back was disabled and the foundation of my vowed words lied in ruins. I felt inferior for doing such act of dishonesty against her, so inferior that the infernal powers of darkness which once I was immune to began to consume myself whole. “I lied to her,” I whispered silently at the point of breaking myself apart. I loath those words, yet I repeatedly muttered them with much agony in my destruction.

The demon I am often susceptible to once again stood glorious in sealing my helpless soul inside its diabolic cells of delusions and inanity. His resonating light of blasphemy and the ambience he manifests is an immortal weapon of temptation and obscurity. The being summoned from the netherworld is extremely versatile in nature, able to lead the innocent with ease to the road of Death, itself. This fellow could imprison anything liable to its trap; as soon as you follow his path, your mind turns obfuscated and everything seems to be obsolete. I, once again, was a victim of his lust; a minuscule prey that staggers to escape the numbness it might bring. He is the cause of my destined destruction; he made me utter these lies of vengeance; he made her cynical overnight; and he resurrected the forgotten past of my character. I feebly blame him for my torment, and for the unbearable pain he caused me to suffer.

My downfall was irreversible. I sat there like a shallow pool of water filled with shame and regret, waiting to disintegrate as her burning anger boiled my bleeding heart to death. No one can save me from my fate except myself; that night, I could see the Angel of Death lurking around the corner, planning an assault that I undoubtedly couldn’t stop. I had nothing to do but wait for the unknown. Running away was not my option; I have to fight to preserve my dignity. I expected the final blow to come sooner or later, a blow that would fatally bind my soul with a malignant force for eternity.

But, as I was to breathe my one last breath of existence, she closed her eyes. Then, she turned idle, and her wrath seemed to wane. She wept there with the pain she had been hiding all this time, and the guilt inside my self grew invincible as it softly killed me. I was struck to death. My naivety grew absurd, and I felt empty. She cursed me for this eternal flame she must offer without hesitation; she cursed me for the sweet agony I forged for her; she cursed me for the truth that her existence is useless and null without her imperfect lover. Love still conquered her immortal wrath; the love that united our soul since creation broke through all circumstances, and its will forever will not cease.

She gave me serenity once again, and I was silenced by her radiance. Her forgiveness was enough to lull my restlessness to a peaceful sleep. I was engulfed by her presence, the presence that haunts me day and night. A moment after, I felt complete and intact once again. I marveled her understanding; no one had ever done something so impetuously unconditional for my sake. My death was proposed that very moment and the prophecy of my destruction vanished in the realms of the forgotten.

I reminisced for a while, devouring the assumptions I’d deliberately created. I cried myself to sleep as I leaned on her shoulder. My tears did not resemble pure joy or sadness; instead, it was an amalgam of emotions. “All is well,” she whispered gently as tears streamed down her face. Lying on my bed while listening to some classics of Dashboard Confessionals, my mind wandered obtusely on the wilderness of my acute imagination. But still, I was thankful for the painful bliss she caused me, and for her unfailing love leaving me awed and amazed always. This love, this is my tourniquet.

The day had ended, tomorrow is yet to come. I may not know what it might bring, another scar? Another battle? I don’t know, but I’m certain it is unpredictable. Yes, she left me tranquil, but it would take time for my wounds to heal completely. I was maimed by that experience, and eternally it will bring melancholy. I placidly reflected once again that night. I looked back to that desolated place I was in a few hours ago, and it still manifests the horror and nightmare it caused me. Though our bond stood unbreakable, the elusive question that reminds me of the demon’s name will haunt my conscience every time I enter the dark labyrinths of his abyss…Now I may overcome evil and profanity, but I will never forget the question that started it all…



“Pwede ba akong magDOTA?”

Hatred and Love 101

She ought not to utter a word, and a blissful ignorance came upon me. Deciphering her words will take a lifetime for someone to achieve, yet I easily pondered through it in a matter of seconds. I mastered the art of decoding the random thoughts in her mind; it’s the reason why I never felt liable to elucidation each time we’re together. I do solve the puzzles of her sophisticated thinking almost everyday, though I often fail to. I bet it is way easier to solve a complex algebraic expression than answer the trivia of her peculiar words; yes, it sears my head unforgivably.

She is the prominent villain of my epic, but she’s my constant companion in every bloody battle I fought. When I need bread to eat and water to quench my thirst, she lovingly supplies me with anything my appetite desires; yet, she’s the true cause of this insatiable hunger for love. Her words are as melodious as the humming of birds in the tranquility of morning; at the same time, a flaming dagger that keenly pierces armor. Her glance is heaven, itself; but her grave look is Death behind sackcloth. Yes, these words do reflect her complexity, but only partly. Then again, she moved near to me placidly. I sat there motionless, then she slowly cast her head on my lap; I felt an unusual sensation after.

I stared at her angelic figure; it was perfectly molded like an Obra Maestra of the finest artist. Her lips gleam brilliant red like rubies, lustfully tempting my soul to indulge into its beauty. Her eyes is an image of purity and truthfulness; her hands are slender like a swan and soft like feathers that flutter in the wind. Her voice is as soothing as the cold breeze of the solitary ocean and as heavenly like a choir of angels solemnly declares the greatness of The Creator. Then unconsciously, I heard her whisper, “My love so true is only for thee, and this everlasting bliss I feel in thy presence will exist for eternity ‘til I lie dormant in Death with your soul.” Indeed, her words are soothing, but it strikes like a flash of lightning blinding everything in my sight.

As I discreetly contemplate, an apparent scenery appeared before my still motionless state. I saw her gracefully dancing with the silent tune of nature, though her figure is quite blurred that moment. I didn’t mind the haziness that darkens her aura; my eyes were set on the voluptuous beauty of her magnificence. A visage like hers is a vivid reflection of perfection and innocence; anyone who looks beyond her mortality will simply be awed by her sophisticated personality. I felt numb and insouciant as I stare at her dancing around the platform. Suddenly, the graceful rhythm faded like an echo from afar, then I heard the music stopped. There was a minute of silence after, and I could barely see her as the eerie darkness of nightfall covered the place greedily. I saw her standing behind me, and I could hear the echoes of her oblivious voice but I cannot understand what she’s trying to mutter.

For the first time, I was trapped in her words like a pigeon trying to escape from its cage. The moonlight illuminated her face, and almost instantly, I saw her body dropped to the concrete floor. I was caught breathless and disturbed as I saw blood crimsoned her clothing. I was confused as I stood there in that nightmarish scene. Stunned for a while, I regained my consciousness and rushed to her dying state. I gazed once again on her figure, though bloody, it still glowed with indescribable brilliance. My demeanor was completely altered as I saw her spirit emerge as she silently passed away. Then for the last time, I heard her say the same words she said when she laid with me.

Then, I woke up from my deep sleep. I immediately realize that it was just a nightmare. I looked down and saw her peacefully sleeping on my lap. It was already dusk, and the sky slowly filled itself with elegant silver as I held her close to me. I heard a sound of faint laughter, and I instantly recognize that it was hers. She erected herself and sat placidly again beside me, but this time, with a smile that moved my happiness. She hugged me tight and tears fell down from her eyes, but I knew it was joy in her heart that made her cry. I hummed a song for her as we walked across the grassy plains of our home. That night, we slept with solitude in our hearts, a feeling that is incomparable. The eternal bliss she constantly feels every time we are together consumed my soul, and my heart was filled with light that diminished the darkness within me. Still, as long as the searing rays of the sun will cast a little light on the dimness of my room at morning, I would see her face upon my shoulder and whisper a silent prayer that this romance will last forever. I love her without a reason; I love her because I undoubtedly hate her; and yes, I am crazy and foolish for indulging into her perfection: this is all that matters. Indeed, our love is the nightmare itself, and this spell she cast on me will forever chain my soul in a prison where she dominates. I am a slave of her tempting yet perfect beauty, and it would be like that until I stand perfidious before her and until you could clearly foresee the fate of this unsatisfied being longing for love in an epic hatred reigns supreme.

The Extraterrestial: When Science and Poetry Collide

(this is an excerpt from my formal theme in Composition II entitled 'The Extraterrestrial: Is it Really Worth Studying?', taken from an article in DISCOVER issue 2007 'Space and Its Mysteries')

Alien abduction, unidentified flying objects, earthlike planets from other galaxies, extraterrestrial beings from afar, mind-boggling sightings: do they speak the truth? Or is it just pure fallacy with a touch of perverse imagination? We may not know and unravel the mystery behind this controversy, what we do know is there’s something beyond our planet that breathes life like we do. It’s very unlikely indeed, but the probability is astonishingly great. It suggests that the chances will ultimately dilapidate the ‘skeptism’ of those who are suspicious.

We are living in a labyrinth of mysteries and shadows. The article, itself, exclaims this truth relevant to the issue. The clearness of its hue was thoroughly stated, but the vagueness remained untouched. Since the first extraterrestrial sighting was recorded, people turned haywire when the media daunted their imaginations. People, whether young or old, are becoming paranoid nowadays when the thought of loathsome aliens from cosmic space come to their perplexed minds. The prominent controversy inspired curious writers and authors, as well as a handful of mindless movies even I wouldn’t dare understand. Scientists and astronomers are burdened with a baggage of confusion and animosity as to how they would consider the said controversy: is it science or a thing of the paranormal? Phenomena like this are difficult dilemmas that need detailed study. Unfortunately, society broke the void of their trust to science and would rather believe the extraordinary; this fact is quite disturbing. The most crucial and critical situation is presently happening to this terrestrial world when people begin to turn their backs from science and create their own aimless philosophies. Worse, it escalates beyond the point of majority. It seems that scientists and their sense of foreboding is at the extreme and would continue to be like this until the near future, when they might present hard and unquestionable evidence to the public. The existence of a world with similar biodiversity of creatures to earth is superlatively probable, and yet society is still in doubt of this fact and relentlessly bombards astronomers with questions that swirl unanswered and remain rhetorical. Though those who study the stars did present enough proof to validate their claims, people’s minds are too stubborn that they refuse to understand these things and won’t let statistics flicker the switch to open the door of their openmindedness. Every evidence has a contrasting idea which is quite reasonable when seen form a different perspective. But the vortex of thoughts scientists encounter when studying these evidences seems to be so parallel to their beliefs. Therefore, this dominant thought reigns supreme: EXTRATERRESTRIAL is a FACT, it does EXIST.

Vindication is the word that distorts the imagination of the skeptical ones. Faceless and formless beings from space will likely visit us in the midst of the next century, though it may be vicarious in manner. Until no one illuminates the darkness behind the controversy and present a living specimen, an unending debate of senseless nostrums would resonate in one’s ears. The chasms of reality have their own blend of fantasy and truth; it’s up to us to gaze beyond our seemingly isolated existence. Secrets will always be a part of this mysterious universe, black holes will remain invisible; quasars will always revolve sending pulses of energy faster than light; dark matter will continue to chant our imagination, and extraterrestrial creatures will continue to communicate with us and send cosmic rays of misunderstood messages that project an image of intricate patterns. Is the controversy a hidden truth or merely an exaggeration of the imagination that will haunt the innocence of a child like another ‘Pandora’s Box’? We may not know, and yet we mutter and grumble against our state of sheer isolation? Pathetic, isn’t it? The vulnerability of one’s thinking will forever be perpendicular to the apparition of truth. It maybe unsolvable, the evidences may not be fully persuasive; but one thing’s for certain: we are not alone.

An Amalgam of Experiences (A Masterpiece)

Did I hear it right? Is our topic really about blogging for this quarter?
Ohhh… how lovely… And the first thing I have to do is compose an article babbling all about an exotic animal (that’s me). Ohhh…How exciting… Doing this for the 94th time since I began signing petty autographs is such an achievement, and staring sleepily at the monitor while typing a few sensible words out of the vacuum of my mind is even greater.

In case you still don’t understand, I think this will help.
THE FALLACY: I love talking about myself, describing myself and writing about myself.
THE FACT: I hate THE FALLACY.

Unfortunately, I have no choice. It is a requirement so I might as well do it as soon as possible to end the horror. The contents are quite deep and the mood and atmosphere it has is dark and vague, and it will gradually or suddenly change as you go along. The reader must be fully aware of this and he/she should prepare himself/herself psychologically and emotionally before engaging. If you’re ready, please proceed.

*silence*

Life is full of delusions and confusion. It is a paradise both evil and good dominate. It is full of contrasts and contradictions, of vanity and insanity. It is a breeding ground of pernicious philosophies and disturbing secrets. I often refer to life as a seemingly bottomless dungeon, inhabited by restless thoughts and loathsome creatures, ready to attack as soon as you fall to its pit of terror. That dungeon is my playground; and since I breathe air fourteen years ago, I have been roaming around that dungeon aimlessly, confused yet determined to find my purpose.

Presently, I’m nowhere near that goal; but at least I know the reason why I stand here in the midst of life itself, accepting the things I have to accept and remain inquisitive on things I can’t understand. I was never like this before; I was a normal teenager living an average life. Then this curse came upon me, a curse so oblivious. It is the only thing I blame for this monstrosity in my soul; it was unstoppable and too powerful that it altered my entire character. In fact, I’m still confused if it is really a curse or a unique gift in disguise. The chasm between the two still boggles me. Although I consider the curse undoubtedly changed me greatly in a manner neither good nor bad, it has little essence in my part. Then, I realized that it permanently deleted my childish ways and replaced it with something I still couldn’t figure out. But what I’m certain is that I am now a new person, emerging from the depths of my emotions and casting a different shadow behind me. This is what I am now…

A moody and unpredictable character will best describe the one responsible for the peculiar words in your screen. He might look placid at times, but often you would see him lingering with his friends doing absolutely nothing, and if it is something, I assure you that it is something imbecile. He is idiosyncratic, a fellow full of peculiar notions and pathetic ideas. He is also a brilliant philosopher in nature, explaining things in his own way and believes philosophies written on his own dogma. The prodigy has this some kind of perverse satisfaction when embarrassing people, sometimes hilariously, other times out of sheer anger. He is a lonely person, always surrounded by uncertainty; conspiracies are against him, and he has no idea why.

Sometimes he would sit in the corner, wondering why he never had a night without tears, moaning silently because of this unusual burden and curse upon him. Battles between his ephemeral and ambiguous thoughts had been fought within him, and often he would struggle just to remain firm. These struggles left his soul scarred from the daggers of death, pierced from the swords of rejection, and wounded from the flaming arrows of love. He experience failures and success almost daily; and through it all, he managed to rise up from his fall and continue his journey through every confusing and daunting maze which composes the atmosphere of the dark dungeon.

The deafening silence of darkness offers him a nightmarish solitude and a place to understand more of himself. His nimble body mastered the art of dancing flawlessly both in the harmonious melodies and distorted music of life. Though he is lost and incomplete, he knows that someday, he will reach the verge of the seemingly endless journey and stand glorious with a searing light of victory and incomparable awe above him, sauntering highly along the path of the proud.

So there he is: still roaming aimlessly with no certain purpose and wandering like an ignorant child. He turned to his situation, and stared at his hazy reflection once more. In his past, he was an empty and hollow shell, suffering from an unquenchable thirst for serenity and peace, and then She came…with innocence from the peril of completing him…and all was well…

Fidelity: The Prologue

( a story soon to come...)

"I need company," she said with a soft gentle voice. He was hesitant to leave but the girl intimately forced him, leaving him dumbfounded as seconds and minutes passed. Both of them were totally isolated from reality, under a thick blanket of visions and loneliness. He suddenly blurted out, "What are we suppose to do here?" "Nothing," she said with a tinge voice, almost like a whisper.

There was a minute of eerie silence, both of them were just waiting for each other's lips to utter words. Then she began to chat in a nostalgic manner, but he hadn't realized what was really occuring in that instance. "I grow weary when I remember the past," she utttered, "You know...those things I experienced in romance, the feelings were unforgivable." "What do you mean?", he curiously asked. "Am I suppose to answer?" she said with a laugh. He became taciturn knowing that she asked him a rhetorical question, but she was reluctant to answer.

"You see, I always desire for love. I could spend the rest of my life daydreaming about romance. I went through almost everything love bestowed me; the pain, the agony and everything. But it seems that I just couldn't find what I desire." When she said those words, tears began to stream down her sore yet lovely eyes. But the only thing he had in his mind was confusion, for he still felt numb and dry. A mixture of obtuse thoughts and emotions haunted him after, and she was like a shadow casted on the corner which he could barely see. "I don't understand," he exclaimed, "Why are you telling me these things?" The only answer he heard was weeping and gnashing of teeth. At that time, he was petrified and lost for words. The tranquility of his thoughts was suddenly disturbed and led astray. The she distortedly flutter, "Are you that insensitive? Are you that predictable?" "I have to leave," he said arrogantly. "No, please... I'm begging you," she pleaded him. He was too hesistant and confused to listen. He crept down the hallway quickly. What he heard next echoed an eternal resonance of static voices in his waning soul.
"I love you..."

The moment he heard the ambience, all his resentments faded. The dark atmosphere of the once sanctuary where they stood painted a vague picture in his mind leaving him passive and breathless. The he left her.
He dragged himself out of the room for a few steps and another. His mind was blank when he walked further and further away from her presence. He was already yards awaty, then, he heard the whine of gunshot. The hands of time stopped at that instance, and he felt his body crumple like paper. He closed his eyes and everything turned black. He moved his shivering lips and said, "I love her too..."

A Life of Phantasmagoria

"On broken wings I'm falling, and it won't be long..."

The being people see as me can sometimes be very deceiving, especially for those who hardly know me. I'm Jasper, aged fourteen, an ordinary person with explicit personality. I'm moody, unpredictable and mysterious.

Some time in the nights of December 2006, I underwent a change I never expected to happen on myself. A simple yet moving song struck right into me, which led me to embrace a new world my heart desires, the world of emotions; or commonly called, EMO.

For those who knew me before, forget the old Jasper you knew, forget my childish character, forget the past, and see the real me. Most people will hardly notice it, and probably only myself realized and saw this change. Still, I stand petrified on what is going on within me.

I don't care what people say about me, I don't care whether they hate me or not, or whether they say words behind my back. In fact, I don't care about everything. The only thing that matters for me is my passion to serve HIM, and my desire to forever love HER. These are the only reasons why I'm still breathing, and why I still live with a purpose.

I am numb to others, but sensitive to the ones I love, and to the only person that truly matters to me.

I love music, music has been always a part of my life. My soul revolves around it, and it is always the center of my dreams and ambitions. I love songs that can draw someone's emotions and feeling out of his/her inner self, songs that can move someone with a stained and stubborn characer, someone like me. Music is the only magic that exists for real, something that is worthwhile.

I love poetry, especially those lines that penetrate the numbness within you.

I love doing stuff that are out of this world. I love extra-ordinary events, things that are unique and unnatural.

As for me, i can say that I'm sophisticated in nature. I am weird, sometimes talkative, sometimes taciturn. I like to socialize with others,to have friends. Haha. Well,it's true. You may be confused,right?